Yours to Decide - Making Space for Conversations About Funerals
- simonsceremonies
- Aug 18
- 3 min read
Choices, we make them every day, don't we?
We wake up in the morning and choose what we're going to eat for breakfast.
We choose what we're going to wear and what we're going to do (especially if it is our day off).
Choices are part of daily life, and more often than not, we don't think about them, we make them in an instant guided by our habit and life experience.
There are some choices though that take longer, especially if you are a research planner like me. Take holidays for instance; I have never been able to choose the first campsite I find online. I need to take time, look at all the options, weigh up the pro's and cons, then usually go full circle to the first one I found and book it anyway. For me, research is part of the journey. For others, they trust their instincts, happy to make quick decisions and perhaps, more efficiently than I would.
Choices are part of life, and interestingly, they are part of death too.
As a celebrant, I count it a privilege to journey alongside families and friends as they prepare funerals for loved ones. Yet more often than not, express wishes have not been written down or talked about. The reality is, in my role, when I get the opportunity to sit down with families and talk about the finer details of the funeral we are planning, it is too late to make any significant changes, many of the big decisions, venue for instance, have already been made.
This isn't to say there is a problem with this, but as I consider conversations I have had with families over the years, people learn from funerals they have planned. They therefore carry this knowledge from one funeral to another, becoming more aware of the choices they can make, and thus considering these earlier in the planning process.
In many ways, there are two sides to the coin when planning funerals:
On one side: even when discussions haven't been had, or wishes haven't been left, we can still create a beautiful bespoke ceremony to remember your loved one. It's comes down to talking and listening, to openness and honesty within the framework we have. In this regard there is still the possibility for choice, and I journey with each family to create a service that is right for you to remember your loved one.
On the flip side of the coin: when we 'make space' for honest conversations about funerals ahead of time, a service can take on a different dimension altogether. By knowing and honouring our loved ones wishes, the service we prepare can reflect them, their character, their joys, even more deeply.
These discussions can be around a variety of topics associated with a funeral, and here is just a sample of the choices that we make which can directly impact the funeral service we have to remember a loved one:
Where will the service be held: the crematorium, a place of worship, or a more neutral space such as a barn or hotel?
Would you like a direct cremation? And if so, what would that mean for family and friends who may want to gather in your memory and say goodbye?
Which funeral director will you use? Are they open to more creative elements within the service or alternative venues?
How would you like to travel: a traditional hearse, or something different such as a VW Camper (my own personal choice)?
What type of coffin would you like: traditional, wicker, cardboard, decorative? And what about flowers?
Who would you like to lead your funeral: a religious leader, a civil celebrant, a humanist or even a family member or friend? This is your choice and can have a direct impact on tone of the service itself.
Who will bear the Coffin: the funeral directors or family and friends?
What music and readings would you like?
How would you like people to dress?
Would you like the opportunity for people to gather afterwards: if so, where will this be held? A hotel, a hall, a BBQ in the garden or afternoon tea? The choice is endless.
Would you like a lasting memorial, or for your ashes to be scattered somewhere meaningful? Perhaps even incorporated into artwork?
When it comes to your funeral, it is 'Yours to Decide.'
That's why I have written a workshop around this very topic. Why not come and join me at Lelley Fields Crematorium on Wednesday 10th September. Together we'll explore different choices available, answer any questions you may have, and perhaps, most importantly, create a safe space for honest conversations.
There will be of course, be homemade cake and refreshments available throughout the morning.
Wednesday 10th September 2025, 10.30am - 12.00pm.
Lelley Fields Crematorium
Sproatley Road,
HU12 8FX
To book a space, either email me at simonsceremonies@gmail.com or use the link below:
Comments